If you’re like every other human on earth, whether naturally positive or not, there will be days when you feel like a total grumpy guss. You may not realize at first how your behavior impacts others. You may get irritated at the slightest things, snap at someone while barely looking in their direction or groan and grunt under your breath like you’re lifting a ten ton weight. But at some point you will possibly say to yourself, “Man, I have a bad attitude.” It sucks when you realize it. Especially when it’s become contagious and your partner or child or coworkers get grumpy from your grumpy. You may feel like a jerk. You may be totally embarrassed. You might even jump into over the top apology mode. Those are all normal responses. And they’ll all pass. Unfortunately, what may not pass is the damage to others and your relationships with them that a bad attitude can cause.
Don’t get me wrong, changing a less than sunny attitude is no easy task; especially when you’ve become known for it. Have you ever worked with someone who was a total crank butt, but everyone eventually grew to love them because they realized that’s just who the person is and their attitude somehow became endearing? I had one of those. I haven’t seen him in years. I think of him fondly, but man was he a grouch. Notice, I only bring up one person, because that situation is rare. Most of the time when someone is known for a bad attitude it’s not going to end with fond memories.
There is research that supports the idea that a poor attitude can be part of a person’s natural disposition. For you who fit into that category, bummer. Changing your attitude is going to be harder and likely take a commitment to thinking about the way you respond on a daily basis. For the rest of you, it’s more a matter of acknowledging that it’s happening and determining the cause so you can adjust in specific situations.
One of the most prominent causes of a bad attitude is feeling like your experience and opinions don’t matter. Are you working with a group of people who are hard to get a word in with or who never hear your input unless you offer it yourself? This would be frustrating for anyone.
You may feel in a funk because you’re lacking in a quality relationship. That doesn’t have to mean a romantic relationship. Do you have coworkers that you enjoy talking to or friends that you think of immediately when you have something to share? If the answer is no, it totally makes sense that you might feel less than pumped to be around people you don’t connect with on a personal level.
Do you spend most of your time thinking about yourself, how you’ve been treated and what you prefer for your life to be like? Are you super critical of yourself, your appearance, the way you do your job or the things you say? Spending too much me time in your head can definitely cause you to miss opportunities to engage in a positive way with others. You may turn down invitations to do things or complain about others doing things differently than you would do them. What you’re missing by focusing too much on your own perspective is the opportunity to not only get to know and connect with others, but to have fun and open yourself up to new experiences that you might really enjoy if you’d give them a chance. You may be trying hard to hide your insecurities and in the process coming off to others as a big ol’ jerk.
If any of these sound like you, there are plenty of tools and tactics you can use to work toward a more positive response to your circumstances and better reactions to those around you. Here are a few ideas to help you get your sassy pants off:
Don’t suck it up and hold it in, making you more likely to be cranky again in the near future.
You may be someone who absolutely hates conflict. Me too. But you probably also hate worry, lack of sleep and belly fat. All things that can appear when you hold onto emotions that you need to release. When your poor attitude is related to something that you need to talk out with someone, do it. There’s no harm in vetting it out with a friend or professional listener first, but when you feel like you have what you need to say ready, then say it. Even if you get the response back that you feared the most, you’ll still have relief because the thoughts will no longer be sitting on your chest.
Cut out the social media frustration.
If you put some thought into what your triggers are and they include opinions that don’t match up with yours that you see online, stop looking at them. You don’t need to block people or unfriend them. You just need to distance yourself from content that you know will make you upset. You don’t even have to agree to disagree with them. Sometimes it really is okay to just ignore. And if you’re really doing it right, throw a prayer their way if you believe they’re astray.
Take a break and do something that doesn’t involve anything that has to be plugged in or charged.
Too many people today don’t have an answer when asked what their favorite hobby is. They spend all of their time working or looking at their phone or the TV. All of that stimulation can cause a whole lot of burn out, making you… you guessed it… cranky. You need time to breath and time to focus on something you enjoy physically doing.
Speak what you want to happen.
My mother used to talk about how the words you speak out into the world are what you get back. If you’re putting a bunch of negative out there, you’ll get negative back. BUT when you’re used to saying negative things all the time it becomes second nature so you won’t even notice it. Something you can do is sit down and write out an actual list of things you don’t want to say anymore or things you don’t want to do anymore. Place it somewhere that you’ll see it, in your home or at your work place, and make note of every day that you say the things or do the things. Tally mark it. Give yourself a smiley face for a day that you don’t say the things or do the things. When you’ve got 7 smiley faces in a row, give yourself a reward. Maybe it’s allowing yourself to buy something for fun or to have a veg on the couch day. I realize it sounds a little childish. I mean, you’re not in kindergarten. Unless you are. If that’s the case, kudos to you, you great reader! But it can work. For real.
Give it to God.
This probably should be number one (because it is #1) but just because it’s last on the list doesn’t mean it’s not the most important. It’s more of a save the best for last thing. When you develop faith, like real true faith, you truly can turn your worries and anxieties over to God. It’s not easy. This is a world filled with negativity coming at you from every direction. As long as you live you’ll have to deal with that. We all will. But just knowing that that’s the case can help you develop an attitude in which you let things roll off your back. When you practice asking God to help you not reflect outward negativity with a negative attitude and fully believe that he’s got you, the results will amaze you!
“The bows of the warriors are broken, but those who stumbled are armed with strength.”
1 Samuel 2:4
