You want to, you really do, but you just can’t bring yourself to forgive someone. Sometimes, try as you might, the idea of letting go of hurt and pain from a situation that needs forgiveness is just too much to bare. But there’s a reason I used the word ‘need’. It’s because holding on to unforgiveness can be one of the most toxic things you can ever do to your mind and even your body.
Health consequences from holding in anger and resentment are real. According to Johns Hopkins, forgiving someone who has wronged you can help lower your risk of heart attack; improve your cholesterol levels and sleep. Studies show that those who are more forgiving tend to suffer less often from depression, anxiety, stress, anger and hostility. According to Mayo Clinic, forgiving someone can even boost your immune system.
Reasons People Have Trouble Forgiving
Betrayal: Betrayal is a significant reason why you might find it difficult to forgive. It can involve actions like cheating, lying, or breaking promises, leading to a loss of trust and emotional pain.
Hurt and Pain: If you’ve been deeply hurt or emotionally wounded, you may find it challenging to forgive a person who caused your pain. The magnitude of the hurt can make forgiveness seem impossible.
Lack of Remorse: If the person who committed the wrongdoing shows no remorse or refuses to acknowledge their actions, it becomes harder for you to forgive. Genuine remorse is powerful. Without it forgiveness is really tough.
Repeated Offenses: Forgiving someone who repeatedly hurts or offends you can be especially hard. You might lose the ability to believe they can change or won’t just come back and do or say it again.
Fear of Reconciliation: In some cases, you might resist forgiveness because you’re afraid that forgiving means you might get back together.
Self-protection: In some situations, you might be using unforgiveness as a form of self-protection. Maybe you believe that forgiving would make you vulnerable to getting hurt again in the future.
Holding onto Anger: You could be holding onto anger and resentment as a way to maintain a sense of control or power over a person who wronged you. If you forgive them they’ll get their power back.
Keep in mind there are different levels of experiences that beg forgiveness and that forgiving is not the same as forgetting. An abuse victim may be able to forgive the person who hurt them. But they will never forget where the scars on their body came from. The scars, whether physical or emotional may always be there. But the anxiety and stress from
What the Bible Says About Forgiveness
In the book of Ephesians (4:32), the Lord tells us to be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as Christ forgave us. Does that mean the other person has asked for forgiveness or even deserves forgiveness? Not necessarily. But think about it. If you’re sitting around stressed out about an offense someone committed against you and you’re full of bitterness or anger or grief, who is that hurting the most? Probably not the offender.
Intention is often a key in forgiving others. Intentions do indeed matter. Try really hard to put yourself in the shoes of the other person. Did they mean to hurt your feelings? Do they have a dependency that causes them to have more pressure than the average person? Are they aware of the situation in the context that you are aware? There are so many questions that you can ask yourself to help you better understand why an offense may have happened in the first place.
There’s ever only been one human on Earth who hasn’t sinned. That was Jesus. So what that means is that the rest of us have all been candidates for forgiveness at one point or another. By keeping that in mind, you can hopefully have a little more grace and a lot less sleepless nights.
Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.
Colossians 3:13
